Being on the other side of the parenting rainbow, having twenty-somethings, I look back on my parenting and wish I had slowed down. I wish I had embraced the crazy. The crazy moments when you’re exhausted and tired of all the running around and fussing and mess.
I wish I would have done a few things different. I wish I had embraced the crazy!
While I think my husband and I were good parents, (of course you would have to ask my children?), I do believe we could have done a few things differently. I think we could have slowed down, calmed down and embraced the crazy!
Remembering to embrace the crazy and all mess, would have been smart.
Because do you want your children to remember how clean your house is or how you much time you spend with them?
What We Did Right
As parents, we were attentive, giving, nurturing and loving. I think we did all that right. But as we all know, there is so much more to parenting. There are so many facets to raising a healthy human.
Healthy, as in–mentally, physically spiritually and emotionally healthy.
I wonder what grade our children would give us if we were tested?
We raised our children going to church, most Sundays. We prayed before dinner. We taught them to not lie and to be kind.
We provided for them and spoiled them. I gave them a clean, warm bed to sleep in every night. I kissed their booboo’s and squeezed them tight. Definitely lots of I love you‘s were spoken. We listened to them and laughed with them.
I cooked home-cooked meals and made them chocolate chip cookies. I was a room-mom and volunteered at their school. I was active in the PTA. My husband coached them in all the sports. And, practiced in the front yard.
We did all that good stuff. All the stuff moms and dads do when they love their kids.
I could tell you all the things, the positive things we gave them or taught them, but I want to write about what I wish we did more of, what I would be better at, if only I had the knowledge I now have.
So where do I think we failed? And when I say we, I mean me.
Where We Could Have Been Better
I wish I would have appreciated every moment. I wish I would have stopped and smelled the moments. Every crazy moment. Every messy minute.
I wish I hadn’t worried about a clean house. I wish I had kept the sheet tent-city up longer, instead of having them clean it up.
They remember me not liking a mess. They remember having to clean up all the time. They remember voices raised, if it wasn’t clean. Do they remember me getting in the floor and playing with them? Do they remember that?
I wish I had read to them more, not just at bedtime. I wish I would have continued to read to them long after they could read themselves. Quiet moments just sitting around reading. Maybe we did? Maybe it is me who doesn’t remember?
I wish there was less running them around town to every practice and rather more time just being the five of us. I remember how tired they were and yet there was still homework and dinner and showers.
I remember being exhausted and not having energy to do anymore, but there was always more to do.
I remember all the fussing and fighting and me asking, and then yelling, to stop. I remember all that. Do they? Yes, they do.
I remember all the chaos, I remember all the crazy, loud, messy, exhausted moments. I don’t remember embracing the crazy, because I didn’t. I do remember all that stressing me out. I should have embraced the crazy. I should have taken it in, laughed at it and loved it.
I remember the crazy mornings, getting everyone fed and remembering all the books and homework and uniforms. I remember packing lunches. I remember making dinner for three picky eaters. I remember getting them home after all day at school and then hours of practices, to rush them in to do homework. To eat. To shower. To get in bed.
I remember all five of us eating, laughing and talking around our dining room table. And I also remember the later, busier years, everyone eating on the go, eating at the bar in shifts.
I didn’t work. I didn’t write back then. I look up to women who do all the things and still do all the work from 9-5.
We had a good life and for that I am so grateful. Not perfect, by any means, but always love. We always have love.
And now, I miss the crazy. I miss the exhaustion. But, I also love the quiet and the peace Mark and I now have.
Yes, I do miss the crazy. But, I do love the calm. Not sure I would go back, but I am so thankful I had it. Thankful for all the crazy, wonderful moments that are now memories.
They are all happy, healthy and living their own lives being successful humans. They are twenty-somethings surviving in this crazy world. And while they are no longer in my daily life, (except by texting) they are in my heart and the mom in me never stops worrying, praying and being proud.
Mom hearts just grow.
I Learned My Lesson
And now, when I get them under one roof, I embrace the crazy. I embrace the laughter. I embrace the mess.
Now, when we are all together, we have six dogs running around with toys and balls. Shedding hair and muddy paw prints. I embrace the crazy because i learned. I learned to enjoy it, live it and love it. And, clean it later.
There is an eternity for clean houses but there are only so many precious moments together.
Now, I embrace the crazy and lap it up!
I only wish I appreciated and soaked in the little moments more, back then. And maybe I did, but now those little moments are so hard to remember. I wish I saw the beauty in the mundane, daily life that was non-stop, and thought to myself, “You’re going to miss this when it’s gone!”
And another tip, don’t wish each stage of your children’s life away. Don’t look forward to the next stage, stay in the moment and soak it up. If they aren’t crawling, its okay. If they are crawling, don’t wish them to walk. If they are in middle school, don’t wish them to high school.
(I am trying to do this with weddings and grandchildren! Trying!!)
Embrace the mess, because do you want them to remember how clean your house was or how you played with them?Embrace the mess, because do you want them to remember how clean your house was or how you played with them? #embracethecrazy #dedradaviswrites Click To Tweet
I wish for you to embrace the crazy. Embrace the sleepless nights, because they pass. I want to tell you to let them make a mess. Let them fuss. Let them stress you out. Because one day, they will be healthy twenty-somethings, living their own lives–and you will miss it all. Embrace the crazy now! And remember it later. You can have a clean house in your fifties!
love and blessings~dd
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